Mid-Life Crisis, Six Months Early

I am so sad today, I can barely move.

Thank god for children, and routine -- forced to get out of bed, brush my teeth, get dressed, get everybody up and off to school and work. I stopped to pick up the critical groceries, to get through dinner tonight and another round of breakfasts and lunches tomorrow; laundry soap so I could start the week's laundry, 10 color-coded, fabric-separated piles lined up in the hall.

Thank goodness for these things that must be done, because when I finish, I start to wander around my small space and cry.

I can't concentrate. I can't focus on anything. I decide to soak in the tub, to escape within the lavender-scented bubbles ("Stress Relief: calms and relaxes...") and flickering candles.

Mocha is looking very concerned, staring at me over the rim of the bathtub with her big brown eyes. This is out of our ordinary routine for a Monday morning. After getting everybody up and out, we usually spend the rest of the day at (and near) my desk, on the computer. On a regular day, I open the balcony door, and she lays out on the cool concrete ten floors up, and watches the world go by on the street below until I am ready to take a break (or she lets me know she is), and we go for a walk. We visit with our friend the Concierge downstairs on our way out.

She's not quite sure what to think today. Her brown eyes seem worried. Or maybe she just wants my toast, which I've brought in with me, along with a cup of coffee.

I write in my notebook for an hour, holding it up carefully out of the water, until the water gets cold, and the bubbles have all melted away. I am still waiting for inspiration, for clarity.

I think this may be the beginning of a mid-life crisis.

Comments

[Sue Olson]

Or you are just plain old sad. If we were a different age we'd just pass it off as a bad day. We'd tell our friends we're outta synch. In our twenties we'd make sure our 'posse' took us out for lots of drinks and flirting! Being in the moment and listening to yourself will help the feeling move through.

[Sue Olson]

I started thinking about my last comment and thought maybe it came off as too brash or uncaring...please read between the lines...

[Sherri Caldwell]

Hi Sue, Thanks for your comments. No, not too brash or uncaring, no worries. I say "six months early," because I will turn 40 at the end of October, so it is mid-life, and it sure does feel like a crisis. Too many things at one time.

In my twenties, I had an unfailing optimism and total belief in "happily ever after" as a *destination*. I now understand: it's a journey. And the optimism...well, that's what I'm struggling with -- it's kind of failing me!

Thanks for being here,
Sherri

[Rhea]

I am in my 40s and never had a midlife crisis because I've been restless all my life!