The Rebel Housewife

A heart-breaking, tragic story from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Man jumped from Atlanta high-rise because he failed test
22-year-old was also upset he wasn't as smart as boyfriend

By MIKE MORRIS
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 05/09/08

A 22-year-old Atlanta man, distraught over not passing a high school equivalency test, committed suicide late Friday morning by jumping from the balcony of an 11th-floor apartment in Midtown, police said.

The man, whose name was not made public Friday afternoon, had also been upset because he believed his boyfriend was more intelligent than he, Atlanta police Lt. Keith Meadows said.

The man and his boyfriend were talking in the apartment they shared in the Plaza Midtown condominium building when the man got a strange look on his face, walked onto the balcony and jumped, Meadows said.

He landed on the sidewalk in front of a restaurant in the building, which is in on West Peachtree Street north of 8th Street.

The man had been living in the condo with his boyfriend since shortly after moving from Mexico in December, authorities said.

On so many levels, this is a horrifying news item, but it is more personal because we lived in the Plaza Midtown, on the 10th-floor, one floor down and one unit over from the condo this man, this boy, lived in. I don't remember knowing him by name, but we would have recognized his face and shared an elevator on occasion. We could see their balcony on angle from our balcony.

22 years old. I just wish someone could have told him -- that I or anybody else in that building or in his life could have reached out and let him know what took me years and years to understand in the midst of dark blue desperation and black depression: This too, will pass.

I rely on this thought quite often, for reassurance and strength, particularly in difficult times. I was reminded of this concept, or mantra, this week in Chapter 8 of Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (pages 223-224):

"According to an ancient Sufi story, there lived a king in some Middle Eastern land who was continuously torn between happiness and despondency. The slightest thing would cause him great upset or provoke an intense reaction, and his happiness would quickly turn into disappointment and despair. A time came when the king finally got tired of himself and of life, and he began to seek a way out. He sent for a wise man who lived in his kingdom and who was reputed to be enlightened. When the wise man came, the king said to him: "I want to be like you. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity, and wisdom into my life? I will pay any price you ask."

"This wise man said, "I may be able to help you. But the price is so great that your entire kingdom would not be sufficient payment for it. Therefore it will be a gift to you if you will honor it." The king gave him his assurances, and the wise man left.

"A few weeks later, he returned and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade. The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside. Some letters were inscribed on the ring. The inscription read: This too, will pass. "What is the meaning of this?" asked the king. The wise man said, "Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription. That way, you will always be at peace."

The chapter and explanation/illustration continue, but that's the point: This too, will pass. This is what we need to teach our children, to share with troubled friends and to broadcast in the world: This too, will pass.

I wish I could explain it as well as Eckhart Tolle does, but for more, you should read A New Earth. Powerful stuff. Powerful enough to save a life.

My heart and thoughts go out to Ricardo's friends and family, and to our friends and community at the Plaza Midtown.

Okay, I'm so relieved to be done with the telling of the Tenants in Foreclosure tale, as I'm sure you are, too. With the exception of (not yet) returned deposits, which I'm sure will all work out in the end, it's over and Life is Good in the new fabulous house. Of course, there are still boxes EVERYWHERE, but I managed to find a missing Social Studies Time Line Report for 5th grade Drama Queen AND a missing (expensive) Math textbook for 7th grade Puberty Angst Boy in the midst of the chaos last night, so we're getting there, on as As Needed basis.

I wanted to share the Tenants in Foreclosure story because it helps -- helps someone else who might find herself in the same situation; helps with general knowledge and understanding of a mysterious and frightening process; helps us all sometimes to know that nobody's life is perfect and stuff (good sh** and bad sh**) happens all the time -- that's The Adventure.

Speaking of the adventure, we are looking at ONLY THREE WEEKS OF SCHOOL left -- arrrgghhh!!
What are YOU doing this summer?

I have been working on summer plans, camps and programs to make it through with the three kids, who will be 13, 11 and 8 this summer. It is definitely getting easier than the old CAMP MOMMY days, but it takes a computerized planning & scheduling program, practically, to coordinate all the whos and whens, not to mention the registration paperwork, medical authorizations (which normally require a visit to the doctor), transportation, deposits and, of course, the how-are-we-going-to-pay-for-all-of-this?! And then even more intriguing: We're spending so much money sending kids to summer camps and programs, we don't have enough to go on a decent family vacation...one week in paradise with kids/nine weeks at home, or three or four weeks with the kids occupied and active, having fun/six weeks at home in-between?

I'm sorry I don't have an answer to any of those questions, I was just whining a little bit and throwing it out there for discussion -- 16 days and counting down!

I don't know how the whole day goes by so quickly, I really don't.

6:15ish - Rise & Shine to get the kids up & dressed, breakfast, pack lunches
7:00 a.m. - Younger two get on the bus to the elementary school
8:00 a.m. - This morning, 12yo son, Zach, and I had to go over to the elementary school on the way to middle school drop-off, with a new pair of shorts for Tiger, the 7yo ADHD Phenom. He had already ripped the seat out of his shorts at school. It started at the bus stop, I think, just as the bus was pulling up.

Mental note: I should have just dropped the shorts (so to speak) and left while he went in the nurse's office to change. It turned into a nightmarish scene when he came out and I was walking him toward his classroom: He decided he wanted to go home with me...

How is it that I don't know how these things will go, after thirteen years of being The Mom? (Granted, only seven with this one, and he is unique, in his own, wonderful, high-energy way.)

Requisite scene in the hallway, with me trying to stay calm and reasonable, Tiger increasing in volume and crying. The teacher quickly abandoned us to go back in the room. I tried to be firm, say good-bye, push him gently toward the door to his classroom and walk off down the hallway, but he just came running after me, getting louder and louder. I clearly was not going to be able to peel the very-determined child off by myself, and the 12yo, standing nearby, was of no help whatsoever. He was just getting embarrassed.

I was hauling Tiger into the school office, which is, coincidentally enough, directly across the hallway from his 2nd grade class, when the school counselor came and took over, very nicely, and said, "Don't worry, just go." Tiger was in tears, I was on the edge. Zach and I high-tailed it out to get him to the middle school, Tiger's screams echoing in the hallway behind us. This is a very rough start to the day, for everybody. I felt like The Worst Mom in the Whole World.

This is life with ADHD; fortunately, a fairly rare total meltdown, but awesome in its emotional intensity when it does happen.

And God Bless the 12yo (non-ADHD), when he got out of the car at his school, he said, "Don't worry, Mom. You're doing a great job." (Yes, he really meant it, very sincere.) That's HUGE love from a 7th grader, you know?

So, yes, where was I?
8:45 am - Dropped Zach off at the middle school
9 - Noon - Emotionally broken and bleeding, I limped off on errands & run-around involving dry cleaning, groceries, Target, etc., because fortunately it's payday (yay!), and I can finally afford to stock up again on food and toilet paper and stuff!
1:00 pm - I get home, check in on email, very quickly realize I'm not going to have time to do my Yoga or Pilates DVD workout (those have been very helpful with the stress of the last two weeks), so I sit down to the computer...

And, here it is, almost 2:30 pm, at which time I need to be out the door to walk Mocha (the dog) before putting her in the car to get over to carpool and pick-ups this afternoon, to be at the elementary school at 3:00, to go play at the park for an hour until the middle schooler comes out at 4:00...

TGIF -- I think we're having Chinese take-out for dinner tonight!

I have been researching on the Internet this morning, trying (so far, unsuccessfully) to find re-useable water bottles for the kids to take water to school and bring home to wash & reuse, instead of adding hundreds of 12oz Aquafina bottles to the landfill this year (the ones that don't make it to the recycling bin). As I said, no luck so far -- I am not paying $12 - $15 for state-of-the-art plastic or stainless steel water bottles that are: a) too big; b) too heavy; c) not dishwasher-safe; and d) destined to be accidentally thrown out, lost or left behind frequently enough that I need to buy in bulk...

Anyway, I did find something else in my surfing, which is wonderful:
10 Ways to Entertain Young Children for $1 or Less (Without TV)

Please check it out on FetchRex.com, my favorite social networking site for non-techies!

Just last night, we were going a little stir-crazy in the condo, after an aborted attempt to take the kids over to Piedmont Park. It is still WAY TOO HOT in Atlanta to spend much time outdoors. We came home, and they settled into the typical TV/Nintendo/Computer routine, but our 7yo (ADHD Phenom) was still antsy and needed to DO something. I pulled out the dominoes (the little tiles, not the pizza!) and, together, we built and tumbled patterns, designs and architecture for an hour. It was really fun, and a good reminder to unplug and find something else to do. The 10 Ways article has 10 great ideas, and then there are dozens more down in the comments.

Have Fun!

7yo ADHD Phenom is in 2nd grade, with a wonderful teacher, who reassured me at the Meet & Greet: "He's going to have to run to keep up with me and my ADD!" She also told me she doesn't believe in taking away recess time as a punishment for active kids, which was music to my ears. Restricting movement and activity for these kids is never a good solution. They have a brand-new playground at the school, which he is very, very excited about. Addressing the ADHD issues -- doctors, medication, therapy & alternative approaches -- is still a big challenge. I have a new specialist to consult with next week. We've started a new medication, and we'll see how that goes. So far, these medications seem to make him even more animated, which is contrary to the whole point. So we'll see.

I spent my first week settling back in to...the schedule and structure required again with 3 kids in school: Healthy breakfasts, packing lunches, forms & paperwork (more school supplies!), PTA stuff, teacher meetings, backpacks, bus schedules, car pool, errands, taking the dog to the dogpark (doggie playdates!), laundry, grocery shopping, clean up, picking everybody up, snacks, homework, after-school activities, dinner, reading, and the dreaded bedtime schedule, with all necessary negotiation and compromise...

Exhausting, isn''t it?!