Monday
Oct262009
Mom, I Have a Boyfriend!
Monday, October 26, 2009 at 01:27PM
I got nothing done today. Nothing. Twitter will be the death of The Rebel Housewife, I'm telling you. Twitter or our Dear Daughter, 12yo Drama Queen, who announced yesterday, upon our return from a fabulous (and kid-less!) weekend getaway: "I have a boyfriend!"
Oh.My.God.
Let's not even talk about Dear Son (The Older), 15yo Puberty Angst Boy, who somehow, over the course of the weekend (and yes, they were supervised -- we did not leave them alone!) shaved.his.eyebrows. Why? I don't know. His answer (and I was really trying to be cool about it, to not over-react and set off TTSD)(Total Teen Shut Down): "Because."
Me: Oh.My.God. (on the inside)
To Him: "Well, honey, are you shaving anything else? Do you need a razor or shaving cream or anything?" Maybe an eyebrow pencil? (again - held that last one in)
So back to 12yo Drama Queen, our tomboy who has thus far spent more time kicking butt and taking names (especially on her two brothers) than noticing the opposite sex...Oh. Maybe this explains the Social Studies grade and how a straight-A 6th grader goes to barely-B average (after you throw that Social Studies grade in there) 7th grader. With a boyfriend.
Okay. Breathe. What does the handbook say?
Oh right. There is no handbook on raising a 12yo Drama Queen. I barely survived 12 the first time, 30 years ago. And here I go again...
Hubby sort of nonchalantly ambled (ran) out of the room at this point in the discussion, so I had to quickly re-group and, as calmly as possible -- THINK before speaking -- ask the pertinent Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? and "Does this involve kissing?" interrogatives...
Who? Okay, I kind of remember seeing this kid in the Orchestra last year. I think he was one of the ones I yelled at for messing around during practice before the teacher arrived. "He's really tall and he has red hair..." (hear in the dreamy voice typically used by Cinderella when mooning over Prince (freaking) Charming)
What? (As in: "What does that mean, he's your boyfriend?")
Response: equivalent of "Duh, Mom" (blush, blush, giggle, giggle)
Me: "Do you two actually talk to each other?"
(Because my 7th grade "boyfriend" and I never said a word to each other -- the whole crushing, three-day romance was managed by our handlers (friends), requiring us only to smile stupidly at each other across the classroom or playground as he played basketball with his buddies (he was tall, too), until he broke up with me (via his handler) for an Older Woman.)
Response: equivalent of "Duh, Mom"
Thirty years later: things are different.
Where? In the cafeteria.
When? At lunch on Friday.
Why? He's really cute.
<< Extended conversation about the single most important thing in any relationship and what I hope for all of my children in their relationships: He's nice to her, really sweet. And funny. >>
How? He asked me.
Oh, wow. I need a minute.
Holding hands? Yes. [Breathe.]
What about kissing? "Ewww, Mom - no! That's just gross!"
(Interpret: I just don't know enough and I'm not ready to try that yet. Which is okay. Fine.)
Summary 42yo Brilliant Mom-advice to 12yo Drama Queen:
1) You know you can always talk to me about anything or ask any questions. You might have to give me a minute, you know, because...well, just because. [Breathe.]
2) 12yo "dating" in our family is group dates only to movies, activities or school events. We are happy to help organize and drive gangs of tweens around -- no solo dating until you are older (some as-yet undetermined age).
3) As for the kissing, there is plenty of time, so take it slow. I had my first "boyfriend" in 7th grade, too, but I didn't have my first kiss until I was...like...25...
No, okay, I was already married by 25...16?
And at that moment, I looked at my beautiful little girl...and I saw the amazing woman she is already becoming. 7th grade. Was I ever this young and innocent? Where did my chubby little ballerina baby go and how did it go so very quickly? The little girl in me looked at the soon-to-be grown-up woman in her and I told her the truth, honestly: My first kiss was in the 8th grade, at the end of 8th grade, and I was 14 years old, almost.
Oh, but honey, take your time.
Oh.My.God.
Let's not even talk about Dear Son (The Older), 15yo Puberty Angst Boy, who somehow, over the course of the weekend (and yes, they were supervised -- we did not leave them alone!) shaved.his.eyebrows. Why? I don't know. His answer (and I was really trying to be cool about it, to not over-react and set off TTSD)(Total Teen Shut Down): "Because."
Me: Oh.My.God. (on the inside)
To Him: "Well, honey, are you shaving anything else? Do you need a razor or shaving cream or anything?" Maybe an eyebrow pencil? (again - held that last one in)
So back to 12yo Drama Queen, our tomboy who has thus far spent more time kicking butt and taking names (especially on her two brothers) than noticing the opposite sex...Oh. Maybe this explains the Social Studies grade and how a straight-A 6th grader goes to barely-B average (after you throw that Social Studies grade in there) 7th grader. With a boyfriend.
Okay. Breathe. What does the handbook say?
Oh right. There is no handbook on raising a 12yo Drama Queen. I barely survived 12 the first time, 30 years ago. And here I go again...
Hubby sort of nonchalantly ambled (ran) out of the room at this point in the discussion, so I had to quickly re-group and, as calmly as possible -- THINK before speaking -- ask the pertinent Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? and "Does this involve kissing?" interrogatives...
Who? Okay, I kind of remember seeing this kid in the Orchestra last year. I think he was one of the ones I yelled at for messing around during practice before the teacher arrived. "He's really tall and he has red hair..." (hear in the dreamy voice typically used by Cinderella when mooning over Prince (freaking) Charming)
What? (As in: "What does that mean, he's your boyfriend?")
Response: equivalent of "Duh, Mom" (blush, blush, giggle, giggle)
Me: "Do you two actually talk to each other?"
(Because my 7th grade "boyfriend" and I never said a word to each other -- the whole crushing, three-day romance was managed by our handlers (friends), requiring us only to smile stupidly at each other across the classroom or playground as he played basketball with his buddies (he was tall, too), until he broke up with me (via his handler) for an Older Woman.)
Response: equivalent of "Duh, Mom"
Thirty years later: things are different.
Where? In the cafeteria.
When? At lunch on Friday.
Why? He's really cute.
<< Extended conversation about the single most important thing in any relationship and what I hope for all of my children in their relationships: He's nice to her, really sweet. And funny. >>
How? He asked me.
Oh, wow. I need a minute.
Holding hands? Yes. [Breathe.]
What about kissing? "Ewww, Mom - no! That's just gross!"
(Interpret: I just don't know enough and I'm not ready to try that yet. Which is okay. Fine.)
Summary 42yo Brilliant Mom-advice to 12yo Drama Queen:
1) You know you can always talk to me about anything or ask any questions. You might have to give me a minute, you know, because...well, just because. [Breathe.]
2) 12yo "dating" in our family is group dates only to movies, activities or school events. We are happy to help organize and drive gangs of tweens around -- no solo dating until you are older (some as-yet undetermined age).
3) As for the kissing, there is plenty of time, so take it slow. I had my first "boyfriend" in 7th grade, too, but I didn't have my first kiss until I was...like...25...
No, okay, I was already married by 25...16?
And at that moment, I looked at my beautiful little girl...and I saw the amazing woman she is already becoming. 7th grade. Was I ever this young and innocent? Where did my chubby little ballerina baby go and how did it go so very quickly? The little girl in me looked at the soon-to-be grown-up woman in her and I told her the truth, honestly: My first kiss was in the 8th grade, at the end of 8th grade, and I was 14 years old, almost.
Oh, but honey, take your time.
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