Wednesday
Dec142005
Guest Feature by Kathryn Mahoney
Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 09:51AM
NEXT CHRISTMAS I'LL...
by Kathryn S. Mahoney
Well, we had a wonderful Christmas this year and hope that all of you enjoyed your holiday. Everything went off without a hitch except for the foot of snow that kept us from going to Grandma's house Christmas afternoon. We decided the snow was pretty to look at but wouldn't be pretty if we were turned around backward in our minivan on the highway.
However, even though everything went rather smoothly, each year I inevitably find things I would like to do differently for the coming year. I usually make a list of these things, put it in a safe place, and hope I remember where I put it when Christmas rolls around the following year. In the spirit of David Letterman, here is my top ten list of things to do differently for next Christmas.
#10 - Play the "Santa card" more often to keep the kids under control while out shopping. "Honey, please stop pulling the price tags off the clothes. Remember, Santa knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." I think I'll try using this reminder throughout the year since apparently, mommy doesn't have the same clout as the big bearded guy.
#9 - Purchase baker's pastry ruler (if there is such a thing) when attempting to make mother's cinnamon bun recipe. Somehow, I don't think using my husband's tape measure is the proper way to measure dough when you're baking.
#8 - Don't spend an exorbitant amount of money on gifts for the kids when they end up making a fort out of cardboard boxes and destroying it with the $10 last-minute toy you bought them.
#7 - Buy separate "Santa" wrapping paper so the kids don't say, "Mommy, why do all the presents Santa left look just like the ones you wrapped for Grandma and Grandpa?"
#6 - Check to make sure there are no Snuggle dryer sheets stuck in clothing before wlaking down the aisle in church Christmas Eve to avoid embarrassment of having one fall out the bottom of your pant leg.
#5 - Buy more than one Christmas CD so Johnny Mathis doesn't sound like Porky Pig by the time Christmas rolls around, "Si -- si -- si -- si -- I say -- Silent Night, folks."
#4 - Measure length of Christmas tree and cut appropriately BEFORE erecting in the middle of the living room and scraping the plaster off the ceiling.
#3 - Make sure toys come with assembly instructions in English or don't require assembly at all.
#2 - Defrost Christmas Eve cornish game hens a little earlier to avoid having to wake husband at 11:00 p.m. to tell him, "Dinner's ready."
And the number one thing to remember for next year...
#1 - Kindly hint to husband that you don't really wear brooches and giving you three of them is definitely way too generous.
Now, on to my top ten New Year's Resolutions I probably won't keep.
Excerpted from "Cracked at Birth: One Madcap Mom's Thoughts on Motherhood, Marriage & Burnt Meatloaf" by Kathryn S. Mahoney, 2005. Used with permission of the publisher, Mom-Writers Publishing Cooperative, a subsidiary of Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Inc. Available at www.CrackedatBirth.com, Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. More of Kathryn's work can be read at www.CrackedatBirth.com.
by Kathryn S. Mahoney
Well, we had a wonderful Christmas this year and hope that all of you enjoyed your holiday. Everything went off without a hitch except for the foot of snow that kept us from going to Grandma's house Christmas afternoon. We decided the snow was pretty to look at but wouldn't be pretty if we were turned around backward in our minivan on the highway.
However, even though everything went rather smoothly, each year I inevitably find things I would like to do differently for the coming year. I usually make a list of these things, put it in a safe place, and hope I remember where I put it when Christmas rolls around the following year. In the spirit of David Letterman, here is my top ten list of things to do differently for next Christmas.
#10 - Play the "Santa card" more often to keep the kids under control while out shopping. "Honey, please stop pulling the price tags off the clothes. Remember, Santa knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." I think I'll try using this reminder throughout the year since apparently, mommy doesn't have the same clout as the big bearded guy.
#9 - Purchase baker's pastry ruler (if there is such a thing) when attempting to make mother's cinnamon bun recipe. Somehow, I don't think using my husband's tape measure is the proper way to measure dough when you're baking.
#8 - Don't spend an exorbitant amount of money on gifts for the kids when they end up making a fort out of cardboard boxes and destroying it with the $10 last-minute toy you bought them.
#7 - Buy separate "Santa" wrapping paper so the kids don't say, "Mommy, why do all the presents Santa left look just like the ones you wrapped for Grandma and Grandpa?"
#6 - Check to make sure there are no Snuggle dryer sheets stuck in clothing before wlaking down the aisle in church Christmas Eve to avoid embarrassment of having one fall out the bottom of your pant leg.
#5 - Buy more than one Christmas CD so Johnny Mathis doesn't sound like Porky Pig by the time Christmas rolls around, "Si -- si -- si -- si -- I say -- Silent Night, folks."
#4 - Measure length of Christmas tree and cut appropriately BEFORE erecting in the middle of the living room and scraping the plaster off the ceiling.
#3 - Make sure toys come with assembly instructions in English or don't require assembly at all.
#2 - Defrost Christmas Eve cornish game hens a little earlier to avoid having to wake husband at 11:00 p.m. to tell him, "Dinner's ready."
And the number one thing to remember for next year...
#1 - Kindly hint to husband that you don't really wear brooches and giving you three of them is definitely way too generous.
Now, on to my top ten New Year's Resolutions I probably won't keep.
Excerpted from "Cracked at Birth: One Madcap Mom's Thoughts on Motherhood, Marriage & Burnt Meatloaf" by Kathryn S. Mahoney, 2005. Used with permission of the publisher, Mom-Writers Publishing Cooperative, a subsidiary of Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Inc. Available at www.CrackedatBirth.com, Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. More of Kathryn's work can be read at www.CrackedatBirth.com.