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« It's not all about menopause and women's humor! | Main | The Rebel Housewife Goes To Washington DC »
Wednesday
Feb032016

45 & Pregnant or... Oh. 

For the ladies...buckle up, girls, for an inside glimpse of the continuing journey...

45 & Pregnant or... Oh

by Sherri Caldwell - The Rebel Housewife® - All Rights Reserved.
For more information, contact Sherri@RebelHousewife.com

I remember waiting for It to start, in a very Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret kind-of-way, with excitement and growing concern, as all my friends seemed to start before me. I was 13 when It finally happened, and then I wasn't so excited anymore...what a pain!

Thirty-two years later, after the blessing of three healthy children, I suddenly find myself at the other end of the reproductive life cycle, waiting for a period that doesn't seem to be coming. I just hope, at forty-five that it's NOT pregnancy, God forbid; with three teenagers -- we're done! But the other reality, in many ways, is just as disconcerting.

Really? Is that it? Menopause. There, I said it.

WebMD tells us menopause is the stage in a woman’s life when she has not had a menstrual period for one year. That twelve-month transition is called perimenopause, and actually begins much earlier, as the equipment gradually begins to shut down. Perimenopause usually starts in a woman's 40s, but can begin earlier.

How's this for clarity:
"The average length of perimenopause is four years, but for some women this stage may last only a few months or continue for 10 years. Perimenopause ends the first year after menopause (when a woman has gone 12 months without having her period)." -- WebMD Menopause Health Center

Well, now that I may have had it, that last period leading into menopause, it makes me sad that I didn't notice. I wasn't paying attention, and I am suddenly faced with my body shutting itself down and what...getting ready to die?

No, that is more than a little dramatic. Considering the alternative to this situation (pregnancy), there are many positives to menopause. I'm sure...thinking...

Well, for one thing, once the factory shuts down for good, Prince Charming and I can enjoy a spontaneous sex extravaganza (sorry, kids!), without the risk of another baby coming along...that’s sexy, right? (Prince Charming, God love him, assures me it is.)

If you believe those ED commercials, we'll be sexy, silver-haired seniors, humping it up all over the place -- riding motorcycles, sailing exotic locations, taking romantic bubble baths in the middle of the week -- oh!

It's not like I didn't see it coming. Just as my daughter entered her time, with all the resulting mood swings and drama, I noticed changes, enough to think it was ironic: just as she was going through puberty, I was entering the extreme after-puberty, all perfectly normal:

Hot Flashes = Check
Mood Swings = OMG, Check
Difficulty Sleeping = Hello, my 4AM Facebook crowd!

There's more, but you get the idea.

Last year, my OB/GYN said it was "much" too early, but look at my hair -- I am 100% silver. My chiropractor, who, after 16 years, is a good friend and trusted doctor, gave me some herbal horse pills about the same time, in response to my whining, and I am addicted. ProFema™ made those early uncomfortable symptoms abate somewhat, even making the mood swings more, but not completely, manageable. (No, I am not getting paid for that mention!)

You don't miss something until you lose it. I don't miss it, I am just shocked that's where we are now, trying not to feel old and used up. I am Cougar, hear me roar. Meow.

- - -

Update - pregnancy test. I've only had to take a few more in my life than I was prepared for (meaning hoping for positive results). Forty-five years old, with a senior in high school, buying a pregnancy test, as quickly and inconspicuously as possible...peeing on a stick, waiting for lines to appear: two = pregnant, hoping for the single = not pregnant...3 minutes...

Single line, folks. You know what that means -- yay?

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